Thursday, January 29, 2015

Past is a lesson.

I was chatting with a friend through wechat apps earlier this evening dayssss ago). We had this conversation, and then

it suddenly hit me,

That all these years, I was wrong at some point. I realized that I've missed out those that I should pay attention to since the beginning. Qualities of a person, just any person. Not that they don't have it. It was just, I was looking at different perspective. You can put it that way.

Maybe he was childish
Maybe he nagged all the time
Maybe he spent more time with his friends (which I think women always think that guy spends more time with his friends rather than spending the time with us, woman).
Maybe he did not pay enough attention

But we always forget that

He will always be there whenever in need
He helps his parents in any way when he's home or even just spending time with them
He spent some times with his siblings and treated them lunch/dinner/movies

He's a family guy.

Those qualities that we overlook. That I overlook.

It took my whole life to figure this out. But I'm glad that I finally get to this point. My regrets won't take me back to my pass. I'm sorry, for all I was. You were great, I finally come to realize it. And that costs me to lose someone I cared, someone who was once meant the world.

Hopefully I won't miss out of what's in front. :)

*** This time around, the feeling is more to being regret of my immaturity back then, rather than regretting "ahhh If only I realize this earlier I could still be with ^%$*#"

Saturday, January 17, 2015

Serious deal

And then I said,

"Macam ni lah, lets say later this year, well maybe after 3rd quarter or towards the end of year, when you think you're ready, let me know, then you talk to your parents and I'll talk to my mom, and we can discuss about serious deal."

The thing is, when the time comes, will I be ready?


Kepada Allah aku berserah. 

Tuesday, June 3, 2014


I honestly don't know how I feel about you, everytime, when I was with you or when I thought about you. I honestly don't. I try to figure out since forever, but I couldn't.

If you think I'm mad, I'm not. If you think I'm sad, I'm not. And if you think I'm okay, I'm not. Hahh *exhale loudly*
I guess I was just terribly frustrated, for the way we ended up like this before I could even figure out how I feel about you, about us.
For the way you treated me. Like who gave you permission to chat when you feel like chatting, to tease when you feel like teasing or even to walk away when you feel like walking away? Who allow you to treat me like that?
We've been friends for as long as I could remember, I mean I don't remember lotsa things definitely! I could not even remember my sister's birthday, or mak's phone number. But you come and go as you please, it makes my heart itchy you know? I deserved to be treated better don't you think? It really upsets me.

There are times, when I feel happy. There are times when I feel annoyed. There are times that I get jealous. There are times I feel this and that. But I just couldn't figure how exactly I feel about you. All this time, I can't.
Maybe because I haven't move on. Maybe because I think what I thought was unreal. Maybe I was afraid. Maybe I don't think we could go far. Or maybe, because I know you too well. I don't know. The only thing I know, I can never win over your ego. Never in a million years. Do you see what I saw in you besides the kindhearted guy that you are? Your ego always wins. Always. If it's not, then your name should have been on my phone screen rite now. Don't you think?

But above all that,
Thank you for being the guy who brought me mcflurry when I was sick.
Thank you, for being the guy who came at 1 in the morning to bring me to the hospital.
Thank you, for being a great company most of the time.
Thank you, for your patience as you have been "orang yang paling (and i mean PALING) sabar" all this while.
Thank you for the time, money and energy spent.
And thank you, for everything.

I could not ask for more. What you gave was more than what I needed.

I'm truly sorry for not giving the best I could, but you have always brought out the best in me. Be happy. Be you.
I guess I'm gonna miss the third raya, am I? :)

**Ralat. Maybe this is the feeling has been haunting me for the past few days. Or weeks. Or months. Or I should just go to sleep now.